Today I found something, something I have been looking for for YEARS! Something, I never really lost but was always in hot pursuit. No, it wasn't a man, I have one of those...this was even better. MY FASHION STYLE. Admittedly as the author of a blog with the given title I am somewhat embarrassed to admit this, and so early on into our relationship, but I figured I'd come out with this adulthood struggle sooner rather than later. But even the fashionistas out there have had their time.
So here's the thing, I am a black pant, white poplin collar shirt, with haute shoes kind of woman. For years my wardrobe consisted of black, black, and more black. The more I shopped the more I would force myself into bright colors with bold and loud patterns, but I never felt comfortable. I always felt like I was wearing something unflattering, I had this unsettling feeling that I wasn't adding up, so to speak. I was rejecting my inner fashion sense! Don't misunderstand I never wore anything worthy of what not to wear. I just had this idea that fashion was a general protocol and was ignoring the reflection that must come from within. That all changed...yesterday. The day before was comfy day at work. I had on a nice pair of jeans and a t-shirt until I got to work and pulled on my work polo and switched into some matching brown flip flops (yes, I wear flip flops in the middle of winter and my stiletto boots are in transition fyi). When I got up yesterday morning I felt the need to get all dressed up for work so I slipped into a comfy v-neck red pocketdress with a large black belt and my black heels (a personal signature). I admit I was feeling pretty good. That is until I ran into one of my colleagues who was dressed completely opposite but looked phenomenal, and chic. Tweed pants with a turtleneck and a great pair of boots with some gorgeous pearl earrings. She complemented my dress and how red is a good color on me...but all I could think of was wow I really want to be wearing your outfit. For whatever the reason I couldn't stop thinking about this encounter. Jump forward to last night, big dinner party at my house so I tucked myself away with one of my favorite movies FOBII. I have always admired the women in this movie, I have always been fascinated with that kind of perfection. Jump ahead one more time to this morning when I was getting dressed when I realized my wardrobe was absolutely NOT me and I had the urge to dispose all of it to the local Salvation Army, or ship it all to those poor people in Haiti. I don't want this I am a conservative. I need conservative clothes. Where have they all gone? Shouldn't they be here? How do I get them back? This sounds like a frantic feeling but the realization itself was oddly settling and very much a feeling of peace as if I had just found my keys in the most obvious of places after searching for hours on end. I am so excited yet quite embarrassed that it had taken me so long to put it together. Then I wondered how many other women, fashionistas or not, have this kind of dilemma? I mean many of the worlds highest and respected celebs in fashion have designers and personal buyers, the rest of us have to figure it out on our own and sometimes it's harder than it should be. But I must say, it is liberating and relieving. Now whenever I go shopping I am going to try to buy once staple piece, a shirt here, some pants, a cashmere sweater, maybe some more pearl earrings (I LOVE THEM) and of course shoes and purses as they find me (because I do not shop for accessories, accessories shop for me). Now this is not to say an occasional bright top will not be omitted it will simply be toned down with a jacket or a pashmina, but now I know (a little bit more of) who I am and while to some this may seem a bit too circumstantial, narcissistic, or vanity at it's extreme, I challenge women everywhere to deny that at somepoint they haven't questioned their wardrobe and who they are in the clothes they wear and whether or not the two match..For me I, it is nice for no one else, but me, to say thankfully I (finally) match.
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